Sunday Morning Thoughts 3.17.13: A Breath, A Blink, Then A Jump

As time is relative and quite certainly bendable, allow me to limber up my existence. I have been slipping into a state of stagnation that I have no business mucking around in. I’ve had enough and will not tolerate this for a single instant further. I march towards either enlightenment or oblivion with gusto rivaling those warriors of ancient worlds, immortalized in brilliantly durable tales.

You see, I’ve come to realize that I don’t want to deal with nonsensical behavior. This is quite peculiar as I have brought myself to the places where such things occur, in attempts to reach some other landing. I choose to partake in one craft, yet have to fight to feed on the smallest fruits of such a world. I have, essentially, decided that this cannot be anymore.

Now I’m not fool enough to believe that simply not wanting something makes it go away when so many, nearly all, of those around me are convinced that this is how it be, indefinitely. Many of my fellow humans at the very least believe that they survive on some of these behaviors I’ve come out against, so I am left vastly outnumbered. Of course, all this opposition is nonexistent! But you go ahead and try to tell of them that.

I am fool enough to believe that something can be done about it. It is a feeling of obligation, or perhaps vanity. It is certainly selfish. My own preference of circumstance is the driving force behind my intention, though those ideas themselves are borrowed, just as they were borrowed from those before I. These idols of my mentality found the words left for them from human history as it bounced in the wind towards legend. I expect to do the same and hopefully earn the right for my dust to someday make stars.

Yet, this is not now. I have spent more time idling about this idea of now, after spending much too long in the past. It could be argued that being focused on the present leaves you just as far behind the curve as looking behind you. Or I would argue that, at least. The future requires attention and I have placed my hands in the first grooves of that vast stone wall of coming events. This universe roars so loud in my face that I have hid behind atmosphere and synthetic formations, feigning belief that this would keep me safe. I’ve known it hasn’t and wouldn’t and never will.

I’ve been writing poetry again. In fact, I’ve written more poetry this month then I have in all of high school. Certainly stuff of much better quality. Such inspiration should not, and is not taken lightly.

It pains me to know, as knowing often does, that this life of lying about and dreaming is not guaranteed. It is threatened as much as all things are. Though my desire is to stay in this paradise and though I have no intention of abandoning it, I must rise to defend it.

How, is no longer a question. It is quite possible it might never have been one. In fact, I know it never was. It could be supposed that one must look outside believed beliefs to find their own truth but who has time for all that? I did but don’t anymore and despite the grand pursuit of it all, phases fade and pass and I have arrived at such a place.

I should not fret though, only step with patience and grace. I have been practiced in the comfort of my bubble of education and can only grow to pop it from here. As it should be done. I have developed all these talents into skills and tools and weapons of defense for this identity I have sculpted from a pile of cells. Those same cells were once a young boy and will someday be an old man, if I managed to make it that far. But for now, they constitute this young man about to enter what will be the most defining years of his existence. These will be the years my message will get its chance, if it ever will. This now and this coming future will hold my greatest works and my grandest journeys. If I find my immortality, the elixir will be drank in this decade.

I have no use for utopia, only a desire for less dire stances. I have no use for any gods or the promises they make. I have no use for politics or those who politicking. I have no use for false idols, idle speakers or speaking fallacies. I have no use for systematic obedience and ignorance.

Some may hate me and so be it. I’ve heard it all before. I care not for the opinions of masses as they stand.

What shall be done, is production, crafting and creation. The depths of quandary shall be dived into with regard of dangers but certainly no fear. I know, nearly for certain, that all this will be tested. Not slightly, but absolutely placed before destructive fate that will burn the hairs that stand on end. We all will. I hope we can step up and deliver. I hope that I can.

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Sunday Morning Thoughts 3.10.13: Job Posting Confessionals

So it’s Wednesday, big deal. So the last one of these was a month ago? Wanna fight about it? I’ve been busy… sort of. It’s a story whose details are not terribly exciting or anything like that. Besides, the more relevant point would be where I am standing now.

Which is… huh… ummm… good.

Yeah, crazy as that sounds I’m doing pretty damn good. Some parts of my life are great, or grand, or spectacular. Others are not so much but that matters not, as the overall standing and feeling as I click away now is pretty damn good. Which for those of you not savvy with the hip lingo, is better than just doing good, or ok, or swell or anything like that.

How did I get here? Well that is none of your damn business friend. No offense intended but… no actually, offense intended. Sorry for the slip up there.

But seriously though, I’m not going to tell you how but I will tell you why. It diverges from the point, you see. I’m not going to waste this here moment in the present for something idling off into the past. This moment is for the future which I am now dangerously hurdling myself into.

I don’t know how to stop it, or slow it down, or reverse it but judging from how things have come to be, I say fuck it. Let’s ride this thib out and see where it goes.

So we have things to attend to which we will discuss now.

First, the spring is upon us and any true sentient being should understand how damn important that is. The dreary winter is ending and we are going to be infested with life all around us where there was once so much dead. Beautiful dead, those few times when we managed to get some snow on the ground. But that death has brought life and the cycle continue, which to me, has to be a sign that things are still doing ok.

Winter ended up being a reminder that things are not well, holding high temperatures and a few renegade snow storms. A rather dreary spirit all around.

Second, though this is in no particular order of importance, would have to be the pressing matter of you, the universe, getting me employed. I would preferably like to have a job that pays enough so I can live and occasionally have a beer or six, like a responsible adult is able to do. Now I know it seems like I should be the one making the effort but I figure that I have so much work to do beyond these first few steps of life, that I could just skate by. You know?

Not happening? Well, it was worth a try. Alright, you damn universe, I’ll play your game but prepare for endless pranks and shenanigans once I reach my power. My trickery shall know no equal.

Not buying that either? Fine, I’ll do all that ‘get a job’ stuff that the rest of the humans my age are doing.

Pardon my lack of enthusiasm but I just don’t really like those odds. Can you blame me though? Things are bad, even here in the empire, and no one is talking about anything getting better. Here and there, little victories pop up only to splash drops of light on the huge and vast landscape of corruption, waste, hate and violence in this world. You can’t ignore it and yet everyone does.

And what am I supposed to do? Work my way up the ladder and watch as everything starts to fall around me? Reach the top to hold nothing but ashes in my hands?

Well there I go, potentially exaggerating again. I should have just immediately professed, simply, that I am afraid. Petrified really. I have to take part in a lot of the things that I’ve only been speaking of with oh, so much zeal from the safety of books and classrooms, with a few glimpses of the dysfunction in the adult human world. So I just have to adjust, as I’ve known I would. It just is, dig?

Third, and of equal importance to all the rest, would be this matter of one maintaining a soul is such a treacherous land. I live in a place that has gotten so fat on its own self righteousness, they have forgotten what made them anything even close to right in the first place.

This nation o’mine was created on the idea that the guys who made it might be wrong, and probably were, and probably hoped to be. Yet they knew enough, that if they created a place where a man could exist in comfort, without excess, and worked at something that could feed and sustain his fellow man, in all areas of healthy human life, that whole peace thing would get figured out. They considered a bit of philosophy and existentialism to be vital for the continuance of man.

Of course at the time, this would have only applied to white males who already owned stuff but this flaw was known. Sacrifices, breaks eggs, fight omelets with fire. You know, that sort of thing. Shitty reasoning but hey, times were shitty. But they trusted that the future would continue to bring enlightenment to the lives of all, or something like that.

We messed up at some point after that. I can’t tell for sure when. History says one thing but I’ve only been around for a few trips around the sun and really only remember the events of the last ten years or so. And even then, and really, even now, I have the lens of the point of view I currently hold. I just like to think that has developed a little bit.

Fourthly, and possibly most important but that’s up to you (my money is on most important), would be remembering a little something when dealing with your fellow man. All of them. And I mean humans, not gender specific.

Whether you want to believe that we are all the same or that you are more special doesn’t matter. We are stuck with each other on this rock. Whatever imaginary borders or beliefs we make up doesn’t change our circumstance. Until we figure out somewhere else to go and how to get there, on Earth we shall stay. Unless of course, you know, doom, destruction and all that.

How? This time you shall get it, or at least as much as I have to offer.

We as a species are unbelievably irresponsible with our technology. We are also irresponsible with our values and our treatment of others. We have, as a total species, harvested enough energy to literally, not figuratively, destroy a planet. This planet. We have that kind of power and yet my parents are still going on to each other about the electric bill? I don’t know who came up with this use for massive amounts of energy, but if you do, kick him in the crotch.

We are addicted to entertainment and of a truly awful quality. I thought I broke my phone and went a few days without one and I tell you, I remembered what freedom felt like. No one could get me. But the isolation that occurs today without one is noticeable.

To fix it would be simple, and is simple. Unfortunately, we’ve gotten very bad at simple things. You just have to stop and look around. Forget everything you think you know and look around. What you see is your reality and you are responsible for it. Play nice with others and don’t be greedy. That’s all it takes.

And if by any chance you are an employer who is potentially looking to hire the human being you suspect is behind this rather drawn out rant, I would like to share something with you. If any of these words resonated to you and share at least the very vague belief that all of us and no one else have to fix our own world, then you sound like the kind of person I want to work for. And please, trust me when I say that when I want to work on something, it gets done.

I will not confirm or deny my identity, though it may already be known.