Sunday Morning Thoughts 11.4.12 – 11.11.12: The Power of Imagined Shackles and the Remedies for Such Things

There were a few bits that I wrote leading up to this moment. Yes, this very moment that you are experiencing now. It’s quite like the one that will be frozen here for me, but not exactly the same. Those moments will not be brought into this for that very reason. I cannot justify wasting this preciousness on things that have already happened. No offense intended, of course.

No you see, I will be taking control now. I’ve held rein on a few things here and there but now the scales are changing. I don’t know if you see it, but I think I do. I will spend the following moments trying to figure how they’ve changed. Also, what, if anything, I can do about all of this.

I grow weary of being weary. May seem strange to say but it’s the truth. In the ponderings of late, a persistent ache has held my heart in a sad state. Perspective had, and allegedly still has, confined me to this rather narrow ledge. There’s a swirling tempest and all that. It’s quite powerful but only in illusion. And on said ledge, I wonder about hypotheticals until I lose grip and yell out for someone who has become a long lost thought. This will be either out loud or internally, with no clears signs before hand as to which.

You see, I want to get angry. I want to get all worked up about things that seem to be there or not there, and piss and moan because my control is limited. Or non-existent really. From inside, I itch to scream, and hoot, and holler from the top of my lungs, and then stare down into the empty chest cavity where one of those damn hearts should be. I want to yell out loud for sole purpose of being heard.

I want to get all of those things but that would only make me more aware of where I am and how stuck I seem to be. See, the stuckness stems from standing still, so sure that this speck of dust that is I, will never be able to overcome the charging tide. I will be crushed in the wake of movings of large and grand ideas that seek not to destroy me, but go ahead and do so anyway. I am nothingness and my ego cannot seem to grab hold of that concept.

There will be no more of that. My ego can’t understand not being the greatest thing because as far as the damn thing is concerned, I am the grandest being in existence. As nice as it would be this is not necessarily true, though still not false. It depends on the specifications of the questions one is crafting. Regardless, the world that I have at the very least dreamt up seems to be in peril of sorts. ‘Tis the kind of situation that requires bold paradigm changes and failure to try would make me an accessory.

So ponder with me, if thee dares to wander beyond what may be comfortable and take a dip in the wild of existence. I can no longer be at the mercy of any force besides my own spirit which will have no choice but to be filled.

There won’t be another year of books and classes and daydreams about girls. My industriousness will be put to a test or the test, and my merit will be valued at a nominal fee. Although I disagree with the reasons and means of such a system, that fact does not make said system any less enthusiastic about remaining in its place on top of its domain.

But all the practicing that I’ve been doing in regards to dealing with grand moments of realization should have me well conditioned to tackle the meaningful meaninglessness that will come to define who I am. So let’s look at what we’ve got to do here. I mean on a large scale, not a personal one. Changing the world seems to be easier than changing my mind.

But let’s get started with the discussion here. So, this country of ours feigned democracy once again and voted for who they thought would save them. I was one of those registered participants.

They were wrong, of course. After all, they voted in another politician. You can call me hypocrite but you’d be wrong. I voted third party but it doesn’t matter whom. Like I said, I’m just trying to get this paradigm to budge and shift the establishment. I’ll start to focus efforts more specifically, once a bit more gets going with it.

But the glimmer of liberty still lives. There were a few referendums made against the establishment in the form of state ballot initiatives. Legal pot, legal love and one state’s ability to outlaw corporate humanhood are a few to start, with another territory vying for statehood. These are all things that the people of these places decided but we’ll see if these politicians give a damn about what the people have to say. My guess is they don’t.

But fret not, as all we have to do is start speaking louder and more often. We start with talking, but making sure the words said are only what are meant and that those words have sufficient action to support them. I know where I need to get started, or at least where I’ve geared myself to begin. I have a degree in production of some powerful tools, or will be getting one in the near future. From there, work will have to be done delicately and as patiently as one can whilst frantically hurrying.

So what role will you play in this? Well, I suppose there are a few factors to consider but they’re quite vague so it shouldn’t take too long to get through them.

First order of business is to decide what skills you have. We can all do something but many under realize exactly what. Lies are told to selves and all of the sudden, there you are doing exactly what you know you shouldn’t. I know you didn’t want to, but you needed a paycheck right?

This of course leads us to the second concern, the terrible and confounding value system that seems to be in place. Everybody says they need to eat and complain about the prices of everything and it’s totally justifiable to be bummed out. However, if you expect me to believe that in a country of 300 million people there is not a soul with the mind and the means to fix these issues, you had best stop reading.

If efforts put into… let’s say war for example, were to be put into something like… education, I’d imagine that many of our issues wouldn’t be. And when I say education, I don’t mean the peddling of formulated and conditioned response that I have spent most of my life participating in. I mean the real shit. I mean being presented with actual problems and being guided into coming up with your own solution.

Don’t get me wrong, there are people who do this. The problem is the scarce number of such folk. They had persevered through the early rings of what I will call ‘system compliance’ training and worked their way to the elite section of knowledge seekers. We lose a lot of great soldiers to the Scantron sheet along the way. Let’s not let them have fallen in vain.

Thirdly and most importantly, toss away the idea the idea that there is nothing that can be done. That is stupid and childish, but in none of the right ways. You are the only one who can do anything about any of this. As am I. And he is too. And she.

The belief that nothing can be done by us common folk is exactly why nothing will. Shake it off and understand that there is no one who is going to try and fix your issues beside yourself. And if you think for a second that complaining will get things done, fuck yourself. I know that I for one, and many may agree, cannot stand to hear more complaints about nonsense. I have wasted enough time in this world dealing with empty whines about how bad things are from people who have nothing to complain about.

I know that this effort of mine will be difficult. It may be impossible and is certainly not very probable. I may fail. Miserably. All of my words could fall on deaf ears and I could be left with only the values that I held to my heart. This effort could be the death of me but no effort would be worse I imagine. I just can’t understand why anyone would want to live without the pursuit of life. I know I have had my moments, especially of late, where I find myself lacking in some effort. Still, I know that all of this is only helping. I’m only crafting one of my many trades.

Sunday Morning Thoughts 10.28.12: The Naturally Occurring Disaster & Co.

What is this, this place that I have reached? Its peculiarity is only upstaged by its strange serenity. I could power toasters for days whilst millions around me live in darkness after the sun. I am the Toaster King. I have a roar, would you like to hear it?

I can’t recall exactly, but I believe it went something like this…

I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost my mind and the following ordeals that would come to follow that, seem to have come. Whether this holds any kind of worth is not up for debate as of right now. Yet as the saying goes, ‘you cannot be found, unless you first get lost.’ I think Abe Lincoln said that after opening night for ‘Rent’. No, wait, that can’t be true. I think it some other play.

Regardless, my hurricane induced vacation will be drawing to an end. Not too soon, since Con Ed is on the job, but soon enough. And when that happens, the world that had so conveniently shut down for me will be churning at full force. The grind will start and my dark streets for wandering will become lighter. These are facts, or I imagine they are. Truth is quite elusive after all, being right in front of us and all that.

I would worry about what might have been if natural disasters had not been, but there’s no point in that. There’s too much to be done and I have to take the time to do it. Take your prayers and shove them up your ass, I want action. But that depends on the actions of I, as I see no one else who would like to at least imagine that they have the audacity to take on such an deed. Not just play one on TV.

‘The world sucks man. Let it burn. Why would you even want to bother with it?’

‘Because if I don’t, who will? The spirit of the people is distressed and too confused, or uneducated, to know why. I have, or so I’ve been told, some sort of means or abilities or charms to make such an impact.’

‘But you’ll fail, just as everyone else has. Look to your idols who sought the fulfillment of such lofty ideas. Yes, they had effect but even Gandhi failed. He got shot and now there are nuclear weapons as peacemakers in his stead. What could you possibly do?’

‘Well… I mean… I have a few ideas but there’s still a lot of figuring out to do.’

‘Hah! See? There it is, right there. Intent may be bold and noble but outside of what you’d like to do, the tide of the world will overcome ye and ye shall be without banner, nor god, and the metaphorical fire will burn your ceiling from inside.’

But you see, there is no god for me and my banner drips with blood. I’ve already failed a few greatly, and one the greatest. These things happened, seemingly, and time moves forward… allegedly.

There is a hum, although these damn generators are drowning it a bit. This hum is bright and soothing, with all the promise of a young politician. But this hum is no such thing. He intends to deliver upon all of his lies. It only makes sense, as he’s spent so much damn time working on them.

There is a point, I’ve seen, where you find the perfect bout of madness and chase it for every waking moment after first contact. It may be frightening and I doubt there is any kind of turning back but that was planned. Those vivid images are faded, although I would never admit that. It has become too far removed and only the idea of having remembered remains. To it, I’ve clung for dear life with the ground only a foot or two below. Nothing that could kill me, but I could fall and acquire a bruise. Still, these moods come and go and blah blah blah.

I sit at my desk now and look at a future wasteland that is burning and burning away as it tries to find itself after the breeze. Though there still be wonder and awe and all that, I feel the quite possibly insane urge to believe that this thing I play around in, may be in a very serious amount of danger. I feel as though the culmination of over consumption habits has brought us to some point that is dripping with the stench of fate. ‘Tis within the stench, that lies a decision.

That would all be fine, if we knew how to make the decision. If you’re going by the species as a whole, most don’t even know about any choices. we’ve removed ourselves from our gift of consciousness to feign industriousness. Thoughts, hopes, desires and the relentless independent spirit of man, these are all things that can’t be taken away. They are given away, willingly most of the time.

I do still firmly believe, that they can certainly be taken back. It is all in the vast capabilities of the mind. Capabilities that I don’t imagine any of us know too much about, myself least of all. It’s not motivation or determination or ambition. Those words have been destroyed by Confucius quote and pictures of eagles catching fish.

I speak to you now about passion. I indeed believe in intending to do all that such a soul can do. Forced along from childhood wanderings about my own mind and fueled by close encounters with grand disappointments. From the shambles, I will come forth, benevolent dictator of my own universe. Now to just convince the citizens.