Sunday Morning Thoughts 3.17.13: A Breath, A Blink, Then A Jump

As time is relative and quite certainly bendable, allow me to limber up my existence. I have been slipping into a state of stagnation that I have no business mucking around in. I’ve had enough and will not tolerate this for a single instant further. I march towards either enlightenment or oblivion with gusto rivaling those warriors of ancient worlds, immortalized in brilliantly durable tales.

You see, I’ve come to realize that I don’t want to deal with nonsensical behavior. This is quite peculiar as I have brought myself to the places where such things occur, in attempts to reach some other landing. I choose to partake in one craft, yet have to fight to feed on the smallest fruits of such a world. I have, essentially, decided that this cannot be anymore.

Now I’m not fool enough to believe that simply not wanting something makes it go away when so many, nearly all, of those around me are convinced that this is how it be, indefinitely. Many of my fellow humans at the very least believe that they survive on some of these behaviors I’ve come out against, so I am left vastly outnumbered. Of course, all this opposition is nonexistent! But you go ahead and try to tell of them that.

I am fool enough to believe that something can be done about it. It is a feeling of obligation, or perhaps vanity. It is certainly selfish. My own preference of circumstance is the driving force behind my intention, though those ideas themselves are borrowed, just as they were borrowed from those before I. These idols of my mentality found the words left for them from human history as it bounced in the wind towards legend. I expect to do the same and hopefully earn the right for my dust to someday make stars.

Yet, this is not now. I have spent more time idling about this idea of now, after spending much too long in the past. It could be argued that being focused on the present leaves you just as far behind the curve as looking behind you. Or I would argue that, at least. The future requires attention and I have placed my hands in the first grooves of that vast stone wall of coming events. This universe roars so loud in my face that I have hid behind atmosphere and synthetic formations, feigning belief that this would keep me safe. I’ve known it hasn’t and wouldn’t and never will.

I’ve been writing poetry again. In fact, I’ve written more poetry this month then I have in all of high school. Certainly stuff of much better quality. Such inspiration should not, and is not taken lightly.

It pains me to know, as knowing often does, that this life of lying about and dreaming is not guaranteed. It is threatened as much as all things are. Though my desire is to stay in this paradise and though I have no intention of abandoning it, I must rise to defend it.

How, is no longer a question. It is quite possible it might never have been one. In fact, I know it never was. It could be supposed that one must look outside believed beliefs to find their own truth but who has time for all that? I did but don’t anymore and despite the grand pursuit of it all, phases fade and pass and I have arrived at such a place.

I should not fret though, only step with patience and grace. I have been practiced in the comfort of my bubble of education and can only grow to pop it from here. As it should be done. I have developed all these talents into skills and tools and weapons of defense for this identity I have sculpted from a pile of cells. Those same cells were once a young boy and will someday be an old man, if I managed to make it that far. But for now, they constitute this young man about to enter what will be the most defining years of his existence. These will be the years my message will get its chance, if it ever will. This now and this coming future will hold my greatest works and my grandest journeys. If I find my immortality, the elixir will be drank in this decade.

I have no use for utopia, only a desire for less dire stances. I have no use for any gods or the promises they make. I have no use for politics or those who politicking. I have no use for false idols, idle speakers or speaking fallacies. I have no use for systematic obedience and ignorance.

Some may hate me and so be it. I’ve heard it all before. I care not for the opinions of masses as they stand.

What shall be done, is production, crafting and creation. The depths of quandary shall be dived into with regard of dangers but certainly no fear. I know, nearly for certain, that all this will be tested. Not slightly, but absolutely placed before destructive fate that will burn the hairs that stand on end. We all will. I hope we can step up and deliver. I hope that I can.

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