Just because I started a blog before most of my college friends, doesn’t mean I’m any kind of better at it. Might be that’s why I’ve retreated so much for so long. That and reddit shat right on top of the last thing I posted. And rightfully so. It was garbage and I, being far too self absorbed, couldn’t even care enough to edit the damn thing.
I’m not conceding the idea I boasted. It’s just that elegance and delivery are key to any and every good argument and I didn’t even bother with those categories. Foolish, I know- since they often mean more than making any kind of sense.
But here I go again, wasting words and tossing out two paragraphs of rubbish that no person comfortable in themselves would ever want to read.
I was taught at some vague and hazy point in my years of education about some upside triangle method for writing. You know, like in the news where they lure you into nothing with a catchy headline and whatnot. My method was, and really still is, shaped much more like a very guilty polygraph test.
But there must have been a reason why I decided to retreat to my home this evening and sit in solitude with beer, saltines and some late-night weekend public radio. Right? But even if there isn’t, here I am and here I will stay until sleep manages to find me. ‘Tis a bummer to confess but once that sleep catches me, the next day that rises will be impossibly fought as this ol’ mind in this here noggin strives to stay in the world of dream instead of being hoisted and propped up in this regular reality of ours. Don’t get me wrong, I love life and particularly my own. I just don’t feel, as a working adult, that I get to spend a lot of my day being myself, or week… or month for that matter.
I suppose the idea that has emerged within the first year of my full-time working life is the desire to leave it all behind and become a hermit of sorts. Mayhaps a sage someday, but that would be a good few years away. Twenty-three year old sages are a rather small population, and no one likes them anyway.
Of course, such a life is not impossible.
The following is a list of all the reasons that becoming a hermit is impossible for me. None of them are good reasons, yet they are good enough to keep most of us humans down our entire lives.
I have a job, and, this job pays my bills which allows me to live in my own apartment and pay my own student loans soo… I don’t have to live with my parents as so many of my graduating classmates have had to because my parents’ generation (which is most likely their parents’ generation as well, or one right next to it) made poor economic decisions, or elected politicians who made poor economic decisions, or didn’t do enough to stop everyone for voting for such bad politicians, and therefore, guided us into a debt pickle, and, in order to go become a hermit I would have to leave all that behind and trust that I can live in what remaining wilderness I can find in the world. I’m not blaming them, I’m just saying it has to be their fault.
More importantly, the things that I want to do with my life have very much to do with an audience of friends, acquaintances and most prominently strangers by giving them bits of my creativity in the hope that it will cheer or jeer them enough to help fix the world we’ve got. If I retreat to what most would call nowhere, I lose the chance to make something that someone would want to see, or read, or hear. And due to my peculiar and superfluous egotistical paranoia, I fear that if I don’t try and make a thing, or things to inspire someone else to do the real work in fixing the world, I have failed as who I want to be.
In truth, nothing stands in my way between here and a life in which I detach from the social spectrum and take my survival into my own hands. Nothing but myself and that is really all you need to have in the way to stop you from doing anything. And by you, I mean me, which you will connect to yourself once you read. Get it?
It is too much though, and me and my peers have the grunt of the self inflicted tech addiction. This is most likely due to all those blokes selling cigarettes with medical doctor endorsements not being able to sell cigarettes like that anymore. So we all got hooked on screens and now the self sustaining system keeps us connected in every way but the human one. We hang around because the potential of such grand communications is too great to let go to waste.
So I may not be hermit material quite yet, though I’m not ruling out the possibility. But if there is anything a sage who is still more amused by prank phone calls can offer, it is this.
Delete those damn social media apps from your phone. Most importantly Facebook. I did it and I can tell the difference in how much better I feel each day. It’s not all that much, but I can tell it’s there just the same. You’ll thank me when you find extra minutes for staring at the ceiling instead of flicking through pictures and consolidated and flaccid statements of people you probably don’t care that much about.
You’ll also appreciate people more when you actually get to see them. Go ahead and touch their face. It will be hilarious.