Sunday Morning Thoughts 12.23.12

So there is all of this bad in the world, right? And I have this blog. And I’m rather cynical. So it would be safe to assume that I would talk about all the bad that there is and just dwell on that for ages and ages until new problems emerge as a result of fixing myself upon the tragedies of the past, right? I’m only human, right?

Although it may be true that the flesh and blood that make up this boyish man is branded with an organic expiration date, I am holding rather firmly on to the belief that I may be able to find the means for the idea of this man that I call myself to go beyond that.

Bold?

Maybe.

Stupid?

Probably.

Unreasonable?

Not terribly.

Unlikely?

Statistically, at least.

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So why bother chasing that idea about to no foreseeable end? It’s because I have pulled out of the mire, only to dive back in several times and each time only finding the same mud as before. The only difference is the warmth caused from my body heat. Too vivid? Excellent.

Well I’ll refrain from the unsightly matters of the mind for a bit and try and find some virtue floating about. Hmmm… well… to start… oh! We survived the most recent apocalypse scare!

Ok, so maybe it was a total hoax to anyone with half of a somewhat rational mind. And so what they found another Mayan calendar that went past the solstice for 2012? And so what our actual demise seems to be dangerously close with global starvation and war and disease and November being the warmest month for 333 consecutive months? There’s a dusting of snow on the ground where I am here on Earth, so maybe not all is lost.

That doesn’t mean we should sit back and expect it to go away. That is stupid, and irresponsible, and lazy, and overall a pretty shitty thing to do not only to others, but really to yourself.

And that very well could be the issue right there. I’m having such a rough time coming up with the positive because I just seem to lack it in my own reality. Although, that may not be entirely true.

I stand with the entirety of my big toe in the pool of my adult life, which is the one I will now be stuck with until I kick the bucket and fall back into the mud, to be pulled apart over decades on the molecular level. I know it’s fascinating stuff, but we have no time for biology here. Or knowledge really. 10th grade was a long ways away.

The point I’m trying to make is not really coming across as anything though, is it? I suppose it can’t be helped. I’ve spent most of the day playing with my facial hair and making things up in my head. I guess I’m only aging in body. Then again, I do feel older. Or is it just more stressed? Is this stress? Is this life? Is this love? WHAT AM I?

That would seem to be the ever present question in my mind and for a few others throughout the history of human consciousness. Yet, with all these strides all that seems to be is finding out what isn’t and nothing about what is. My buddy Tommy Kuhn seemed to be pretty on the spot when he figured that we really aren’t doing much to get ourselves anywhere specific, or anywhere at all. We just need to keep thinking that we are getting somewhere, I guess.

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Or not. Maybe we are moving towards something that is grand, and bright, and warm, and is just like nirvana, only with better toilets. Maybe all these issues that plague me and us and the whole lot of humanity are just hiccups that seem so inescapable and unconquerable, will just fade away. Maybe they will be replaced by other issues, but those will just fall away in the same fashion until things just even out and we coast along on our rock in perfect health and no type of conflict, internal or external. And there we will stay until the sun explodes and we are destroyed with all the beautiful fury that created us.

Unless we can travel away and live somewhere else. That would be nice, if we did enough research. Find somewhere that’s got a fresher type of air to breath. Or a place where ham grows on trees. That’d be nice.

But I can’t get there without going through this, can I? I didn’t think so. You’ll have to forgive me. I mean, you don’t have to but I’d like you to. I had been told a whole sort of things that I don’t believe anymore. A lot of things that I was never supposed to doubt are gone now.

But the point. Yes, I guess that I should really at least make an attempt to get to that by now, but I still seem to falling short. Could it be helped? I imagine it could and it will and I’ll figure it out, don’t worry. I’ve made it this far and not to make anyone feel bad, I don’t even try as a hard as I could. I know, some people work their entire lives and never accomplish some of the feats I have found in my past of a 5th of one century. And yet here I am, sitting in at my boyhood desk with my shaggy hair and anarchist beard with nothing in my mind but the same old and a few other tweaks of ideas. And as I sit with nothing to do, my mind will wander to all the places that it’s been and run through a whole assortment of emotions. I’ll feel bad and sad a weak and powerless and glad and inspired and nervous and petrified, and all this without leaving my house.

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Alright, let’s face it. There is no point to this right here. Not life, just this post. I just wanted to string a few hundred words together to make some sort of very off beat poetic rant. I wanted to stay on time with these, but I haven’t. Oh well.

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