What is this, this place that I have reached? Its peculiarity is only upstaged by its strange serenity. I could power toasters for days whilst millions around me live in darkness after the sun. I am the Toaster King. I have a roar, would you like to hear it?
I can’t recall exactly, but I believe it went something like this…
I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost my mind and the following ordeals that would come to follow that, seem to have come. Whether this holds any kind of worth is not up for debate as of right now. Yet as the saying goes, ‘you cannot be found, unless you first get lost.’ I think Abe Lincoln said that after opening night for ‘Rent’. No, wait, that can’t be true. I think it some other play.
Regardless, my hurricane induced vacation will be drawing to an end. Not too soon, since Con Ed is on the job, but soon enough. And when that happens, the world that had so conveniently shut down for me will be churning at full force. The grind will start and my dark streets for wandering will become lighter. These are facts, or I imagine they are. Truth is quite elusive after all, being right in front of us and all that.
I would worry about what might have been if natural disasters had not been, but there’s no point in that. There’s too much to be done and I have to take the time to do it. Take your prayers and shove them up your ass, I want action. But that depends on the actions of I, as I see no one else who would like to at least imagine that they have the audacity to take on such an deed. Not just play one on TV.
‘The world sucks man. Let it burn. Why would you even want to bother with it?’
‘Because if I don’t, who will? The spirit of the people is distressed and too confused, or uneducated, to know why. I have, or so I’ve been told, some sort of means or abilities or charms to make such an impact.’
‘But you’ll fail, just as everyone else has. Look to your idols who sought the fulfillment of such lofty ideas. Yes, they had effect but even Gandhi failed. He got shot and now there are nuclear weapons as peacemakers in his stead. What could you possibly do?’
‘Well… I mean… I have a few ideas but there’s still a lot of figuring out to do.’
‘Hah! See? There it is, right there. Intent may be bold and noble but outside of what you’d like to do, the tide of the world will overcome ye and ye shall be without banner, nor god, and the metaphorical fire will burn your ceiling from inside.’
But you see, there is no god for me and my banner drips with blood. I’ve already failed a few greatly, and one the greatest. These things happened, seemingly, and time moves forward… allegedly.
There is a hum, although these damn generators are drowning it a bit. This hum is bright and soothing, with all the promise of a young politician. But this hum is no such thing. He intends to deliver upon all of his lies. It only makes sense, as he’s spent so much damn time working on them.
There is a point, I’ve seen, where you find the perfect bout of madness and chase it for every waking moment after first contact. It may be frightening and I doubt there is any kind of turning back but that was planned. Those vivid images are faded, although I would never admit that. It has become too far removed and only the idea of having remembered remains. To it, I’ve clung for dear life with the ground only a foot or two below. Nothing that could kill me, but I could fall and acquire a bruise. Still, these moods come and go and blah blah blah.
I sit at my desk now and look at a future wasteland that is burning and burning away as it tries to find itself after the breeze. Though there still be wonder and awe and all that, I feel the quite possibly insane urge to believe that this thing I play around in, may be in a very serious amount of danger. I feel as though the culmination of over consumption habits has brought us to some point that is dripping with the stench of fate. ‘Tis within the stench, that lies a decision.
That would all be fine, if we knew how to make the decision. If you’re going by the species as a whole, most don’t even know about any choices. we’ve removed ourselves from our gift of consciousness to feign industriousness. Thoughts, hopes, desires and the relentless independent spirit of man, these are all things that can’t be taken away. They are given away, willingly most of the time.
I do still firmly believe, that they can certainly be taken back. It is all in the vast capabilities of the mind. Capabilities that I don’t imagine any of us know too much about, myself least of all. It’s not motivation or determination or ambition. Those words have been destroyed by Confucius quote and pictures of eagles catching fish.
I speak to you now about passion. I indeed believe in intending to do all that such a soul can do. Forced along from childhood wanderings about my own mind and fueled by close encounters with grand disappointments. From the shambles, I will come forth, benevolent dictator of my own universe. Now to just convince the citizens.