So I just had this thought getting high in my bathroom and upon staring at my 1970’s choice in hair and facial hair, I’ve come to glance upon the idea that this really is just a phase in my life and most likely the most ridiculous one at that. Now don’t get me wrong here, there is obviously a supreme amount of beauty within all this absurdity but that does not make it any less absurd. If you can’t see that I advice you get your sense of humor checked.
The sad thing about that last… I guess we’ll say joke, is that there most likely is some sort of test that is alleging itself capable of measuring your sense of humor. It probably even comes with a little chart that shows you what treatment will fix however much you lack in that particular department but not after listing all the things that it will do to you like make you depressed or constipated or suicidal or blind or just too submissive to the pointlessly aggressive and just boring social construct.
The trouble comes in seeing that most of what is done around here is just wasted motion designed with the sole purpose to keep our souls from ever being whole. It’s terrible but because of the general decline in progress the species has been having since it got around to being there is no other choice but to wade through all the nonsense that will only inevitably make you at least somewhat bitter and calloused. Don’t get me wrong now, there have been many great and grand things that people have done in the past, there’s just been more of a general ignorance and hate and stupidity and greed and just naïve behavior that has brought us to a world run on bureaucratic nonsense that all those great people told us to dodge. The world is run by shady vacuum cleaner salesmen. We are sold on ideas that are boring and uninspired.
I guess that’s why it’s so easy to cling on to one idea that could feel apart from all that, whatever it may be. Drugs, music, sex, love, writing, rock-climbing, knife fighting, bank robbing, cooking or professional calligraphy, it doesn’t matter. Something that stands apart from the hypnotic glow of flashing lights becomes so brilliantly novel to us. We are essentially the same as moths. I think that we’re really only a few things in genetic code off from all living things on earth. We are this solar systems Petri dish, just the one that hasn’t died off yet.
And that is my best defense mechanism. Didn’t you see it? I start speaking in vague phrases about what I think I know about science. I dropped my science class this semester. I also never told my parents about that.
So what is it that I’ve been waiting to say all this time? I’ve convinced myself that something is supposed to happen soon but what that thing is I cannot say. I spend my days thinking ups solutions to problems that don’t even exist half of the time. So here and now I take the step in the direction that I should have gone a very long time I suppose.
So stands I at the edge of where I have been for far too long and I know that inside me are ideas and thoughts and feelings both dark and light that are screaming to get out and yet I’ve kept them trapped so long I can recognize them only as shapes and shadows cast upon my eyelids. So let’s list out the real things that I’ve done since I last wrote one sad month ago.
I opened for someone who is on Saturday Night Live. Well I guess that right there is spectacular. I’ve gotten compliments here and there with a few from some people I don’t know. There’s a video and stuff that I’ll be getting to this week. But hey, people laughed and I haven’t stood up since January. It’s good to know that my true love hasn’t walked away from me.
I played a few songs here and there and did that play and got a job for the summer and helped start The Skits O’Frenicks. If you don’t know Skits, you had best check us out in the coming months. Which reminds me of my TV shows that I have to make. And articles to write and news to do. I have to get a resume and get an internship and get in shape for the fire department test that I hopefully scored well enough to be able to test my merit even further.
There is so much that I need to do and I sit around and blah blah blah. Blah blah blabbity blah blah. Blah blah, blah blah blabbity.
Someday I’ll learn that scolding myself on my blog is not going to change much of anything, not to mention how shit piss boring it is. I honestly wonder sometimes if I ever want to read any of this crap that I read someday.
So what do you think?
Go ahead and take your time.
Ok ready? You have to understand how introverted I was as a young boy. Slowly but surely I started accepting some part of me but always held those same fears, I suppose. Even the slightest attack on that sets the whole ordeal off and it’s a mess and also rather boring.
But all these things will have to be done because I have no other choice. I have a whole world out there to conquer and I can’t rest until I’ve seen everything that there is to see. I don’t want to be afraid anymore, so I simply won’t be. I’m actually starting to think it’s that easy. And as long as I think that, nothing else should matter. Nothing should really matter. I’ll have to just learn to accept any shift in the current around me.
What the hell am I saying? Fuck it, I’ll fight anything that gets in my way (fist fights only when necessary and with a person of equal size). I know that I’ve learned something in all of this time. I just couldn’t tell you what but that may only come to reveal itself when placed under pressure. Pressure makes diamonds, which I can’t afford. I have ordinary shoes.