Sunday Morning Thoughts 12.18.11

Here it is. The moment that I had been anticipating right up until the moment that I made it happen. Look at me wield fate and bend it to my very whim. Thanks Leroy… if that is your real name.

If that didn’t make sense to you, I’m terribly sorry. It made brilliant sense to me. I guess it just sucks to be you. You must be one of those people who cringe at the sight of day. One of those people who can never feel warm. I was there once. Hell, I could still very well still be there and getting worse, but I’ll be damned if I don’t fucking ignore it. Why should I have to sit another day while unfortunate circumstance gets best or the average of me?

It’s cold and bright outside. The air feels like its not moving. It’s phenomenal. I should go outside somewhere today. Go for a walk or a hike or something. I could just wander around rather aimlessly. I should make some music today. I should write more today, but I suppose before I get to any of those things, I’ll have to wrap this up as we now enter my favorite and most feared part of this nonsense.

What do you mean you don’t know what I’m talking about? Come on, it’s in pretty much every single one. This is the part where I’ve caught myself wandering around with words and suddenly realize that I’m many sentences in and have hardly said a damn thing. Now the next part is crucial. This is where I decide where to go. This is when I decide to get into the real meat of this thing and hopefully explore some kind of profound and unheard of thought or idea or concept or perception that has never been seen before and if it has, this is a new way of looking at it, but that’s essentially what the word perception means so I just wasted a shit ton of words. Well, I suppose it was really only more like a few, but now because of this it is a shit ton, possibly approaching super shit ton. That’s enough dodging of the subject for now.

If you look out your window, what do you see? Go ahead and do it. If you’re bored enough to be reading this, get up off your ass and look. I don’t even have to get up myself. I’m sitting next to my window. Always get a window seat. It was one of the first lessons I learned on the school bus. I live in a quiet neighborhood, but you might have just seen a drug deal or a road with cars or a fucking beach, who knows? The point is that is your world. Not just what you see, but everything that there is for you to see. If you can see it, then that is yours. Can you dig it?

But our world isn’t good. People always try to argue that everything is good, but that’s bullshit, for the average part. We are not a people at peace. Most of us are depressed every single day because all we ever know is that we grow up and work and then die. Our souls crave to explore and most of us never do anything like that. Most of us are afraid or told not to or don’t even know how. We live lives that never feel full. Unless you have god but if I could be perfectly honest, if you believe god thinks that this species is really diving into their greater consciousness to further explore the wonders of the universe, please gently, or rapidly remove your head from your own asshole. Just look around. We have such a gift to be able to live here on a nice comfortable planet where things are green and alive and good and we fuck it up for each other and ourselves every day. It’s infuriating and counterproductive and the way it is and has always been as long as I’ve been alive.

So this is my plan. I will pull my head from my own ass. I imagine from there it will just happen. I’ll make it happen but once it starts, I won’t be able to stop. I want to stare down the lights and laugh at them. I want to make the whole system crumble. I want to knock down the walls that block everyone from sight. I want to change this world if I can. They told me in high school I could. That was probably the only thing I ever paid attention to, that and a few other things. Most of the other stuff I already knew or figured out.

One more sentence and I think it will hit, oh there it goes. Over 800 words. It’s the little accomplishments that make the big ones happen.


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