Sunday Morning Thoughts 10.2.11

I feel messy. My room is messy. It smells funny and looks mildly ugly. I don’t like it right now, and it’s gotten to the point where it’s in the way. I can no longer stand it. So I declare to follow the rhythm that is there and take action. To become a man, as it were.

So forgive me as I commit to a rather mundane human task that has become regretfully bothersome. I shall return.

And here I am, back in what seemed like no time to you. In fact it doesn’t do justice to how much time had passed between the first bit and now.

It was a long day. I’m quite tired. I watched some more great movies today. I thought about life and stuff. I haven’t had my iPod in a week. What a strange week it has been. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be going off to rest. A bunch more time will pass, but you’ll just start with the next paragraph. I suppose that’s the difference between writer and reader. What a strange relationship we have. I’ll see you in the morning.

And what seemed to be no time at all, the sun shone through my window and my little world of escape is back. Rejoice Brian, for now you can return to a world of ignoring everything. Or better yet, appreciation just the same, but with a soundtrack.

I wonder what New York City looks like this morning. I wonder if it’s worth it, you know, the chase and all. I wonder when I’m going to finish this, because it’s not going to be now. Get ready for the time lapse.

I’m back and I just remembered about a little thing or thought or whatever that I wrote to myself last night. There’s not enough protest in my soul, or at least not at the point where I am capable of protesting. Now say you, that the need for protest is not necessary or correct. Now say I, shut the fuck up. There is this unquenchable desire to fight within the human soul. We all want things and wish we could force our way too them, but nay is said. We strive for things, without and cause to require reason, but it dies.

But I digress, mostly because I’m a mixture of unsure and bored. I’ll attempt to remedy that, but it will take a bit of time. Don’t worry, it will feel like nothing. I’ll see you in the next paragraph.

It’s crazy how this works. I’ve had so many thoughts that have come and gone in this little space from this to that last bit. I wondered why the sign for crossing the street safely is a police crime scene chalk drawing.

It’s nice to have border line absurd thoughts. It’s nice to see the absurdity as it is and for what it is. It’s nice to realize that all of our lives pile together to make one big and rather poorly scripted show. Its nonsense and jargon and things that can’t be understood but should be understood. It’s at a level that has yet to be reached by the species. A level that has not reached humans, or at the very least, this human.

Every little drop of time that we live is streaking across the window as I watch it fall down and leave other drops, Hansel & Gretel style in a trail showing where it went. But the witch gets them and they never end up follow the path back. It was a witch in that story, right? That or a wolf, either way it makes no sense.

I don’t know what makes sense anymore, but I never really did. It’s the problem with struggling to find what was never there. My life, or I can comfortably anyone’s life, has been figured out or understood or comprehended or another word that will say the same thing. This whole cliché of life and being young and then growing up is a bit played out yet I play on. Maybe it’s instinct. Maybe in our evolution we developed some sort of behavior pattern that imbeds the idea that life is nothing without clichés so we spend our days tracking them down. Sounds stupid and dumb and pointless and boring, and that’s why it’s such a human thing to do.

There are people who argue that humans are produced as amoral or immoral beings and have to learn to be good. Some say that the inverse of that is what happened. Nobody says it’s both, as far as I know. That probably what it would be anyway. We aren’t perfectly moral beings, but we have a few. We’re also not evil, but we have impulses and urges and habits that may be a bit diabolical. Well, most people. Some people are just evil. Kinda like my ex-girlfriend, ya know what I mean?

Hahahahaha…

I think I’m going to open with that at my next open mike. I’m sure it will be a hit. So will the crossing light joke. People fucking love crossing lights and their jokes. I’m hoping they do.

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