Sunday Morning Thoughts 9.25.11

This isn’t working. I couldn’t tell you much about anything right now. I know you can look online and see videos of cops pepper-spraying and getting fairly rowdy with some protestors. The headline of one of the biggest broadcast networks, and by headline I mean the one with the biggest picture on the website, is about a gay Mormon guy. There’s a major newspaper with the main one about car seats or some shit like that.

I’m tired. I’m hoping to be near some sort of massive implosion that will lead to some sort of vast discovery of self and being. At which point, all that was lost will become known, either again or for the first time and so it shall be. At least that hoping. That one thing I suppose there can and will always be. Someone somewhere will always have some sort of insanely furious drive from some sort of inexplicable fire that throws all the heat it can burn.

Which of course, leads me to my next point, though I’m not sure what that is. I’m assuming there has to be some sort of response to all of it. I am tired and am slowly losing my ability to formulate ideas that have any meaning. I just banter sometimes. Just nonsense with no end falling from my mouth and into the air to pinch and annoy all it bounces to. It just becomes rambling sometimes.

But in all honesty, I do feel that I need to keep writing and keep thinking or I may fall asleep at my job and then well there goes that possibly and who knows if it puts you on ice that may or may not be thin on the other end. If you are unsure of what that means, then you may just not be in or out of tune enough to dig it. It’s alright, I guess. You just won’t understand when the revolution comes. And it is coming.

Listen, just hear me out on the one. We are people. If you look at our history, it is essentially people fighting or making deals with other people for like fucking forever. That’s what we’ve learned how to do. But that’s only part of the whole thing. It has been a constant thing, maybe dipping a bit lower over here and a bit higher a few pages later, but consistently happening throughout the centuries and millennia and whatnot. There is something else that happens though.

In between, and sometimes during all the fighting, there are a few people who beat a drum and stand before the drooling beast of inevitably that marches again the will of decency. Disregarding the fact that the sentence before this one took about five minutes to type and that this one only took a few seconds… actually never mind. I spaced out and took another two minutes to finish that last one.

But let’s try and dodge the fluffy shit and just talk, or write rather. We are all amidst things that are much larger than our individual lives. We always are and pretty much always have been, but there are times when it speeds up to make a change. It’s all speeding up, so where’s the change? Want to know what I think is an issue. Not bashing on the president or anything, but you hear change and people always think of him. I did not say they always think goodly or poorly of him, but they think of him just nonetheless. Where the fuck does he get off taking claim for a word like that? A word like that, that’s so big and so powerful that it takes the caliber of man or woman who may or may not have been woven from some sort of golden fabric just to have the potential to wield it. A person who can endure some massive weight from the world. These people have a higher likely hood of having rather short runs at it, with some tripping right into their nice little tombs. Sorry Barry, you’re not just that kind of person but I would worry about it. If you really look at, we had like two or three presidents who actually had that kind of gall and even they had their flaws… you know what I’m talking about Jefferson. And who even knows if they were any type of actually decent person, it all could be lies.

No these people don’t hold office often, they don’t have time to waste in such a fruitless position. Besides, it makes it a lot harder to get the troops rallied. So where is this generation? Where is our age?

I often wonder if I am supposed to do something of that sort, you know? I wonder if I am supposed to be some sort of leader or inspiration or revolutionary or some mad man who turns the world on its head so it can see what it looks like upside down. Do you know, or does it just happen, or do you choose it? How do I know that I even have a choice? Even if I don’t want to, you know? Even if I wanted the life where you just get married or something like that, and a family and a house and a job and a routine and a god and a plan and a quite desolate and silently desperate death? What if I have to do these things because its fate and I will always be distant and always truly and quietly alone?

I have to live on the thrill. I have to move from each moment so gracefully that it seems as though it’s all planned out, because it is.  I have to play the part I was given, and play it at least well enough to be able to trick someone else into thinking its real, because then they might think their fantasy is real. And it spreads until everyone has fallen so heavy into the made up worlds that real is no longer valid. It will change. We will have grown or become useless, obsolete if you will. Either way, change, and I mean real change, is contagious. People have been acting a bit contagious lately, but in different ways for different people. Funny enough, it has a lot to do with money, as most of our problems do. Still there’s and itch or two, but it needs to be cultivated.

But we won’t really know until it’s happened, we just have to make sure that it’s not missed, or at least a few people should see it.


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