Sunday Morning Thoughts 5.29.11

And at the end of the second week I feel… hmmm… well… umm… yeah… so it’s basically like this… that everything is… and that there’s this… and that… and yeah.

Ok you caught me. I don’t know how I feel. I’m in limb, which isn’t terrible. It’s not great, but it’s not bad and that’s not the end of the world. At least I hope it’s not the end of the world. I have business to attend to that I’d rather not have interrupted. I do a good enough job of distracting myself, so the reduction of outside nonsense would be greatly appreciated.

I had a whole bunch of thoughts, but they seem to have all escaped me which is rather shitty. So give me a moment while I ponder up some new ones.

In order to achieve enlightenment, one must first understand him or herself. You must have affirm understanding and confidence in who you are. Now this, is not easy. It’s easy to fake and pretend as though you have some serious believe in yourself, but when it comes down to just you and yourself and no audience, you can start to see the cracks. Or maybe I should say cracks. We all have things that can be considered flaws. Maybe you speak and act before you think. Maybe you fall in love to easily. Maybe you daydream too much. But things cannot be thought of as flaws. It’s just who you are and nothing should ever be able to change that.

So, to understand myself I have been searching within all I’ve thought and said and done. And now that I have I’ve realized that my whole identity thing, has been stunted or at least appears that way. And yet I am still me, when I don’t think so much about it. Hell, I’m still me when I think too much about it. It’s one of those flaws I have.

I need to escape soon. I’ll probably go to Brooklyn. I’m also going camping. That shall happen for if I do not go into the woods, I’ll never come back out a man.

The weather has been nice. The stars are nice every night. The music is here and the vibes can be. It’s just that whole solitude thing. It hasn’t been bad, but I know that with each day come closer and closer to the day I have to face my demons. I have to because I’m sure life can toss me new ones. I have to deal with everything as it comes and this is coming. But despite my anxiety, I trust I can build this summer. I can create and revive and all those other words that describe positive movement. There’s a whole bunch of them. You can put in the word that works best for you and then you’ll have your very own Sunday Morning Thought. Get that shit trademarked.

That Sears boy is strange, isn’t he?

Yeah he is.

And I’ll tell you another thing, I can only be a little strange. Nothing else works, so deal man. And of course and as always, I speak to myself and just want you, which is no one, to read this lovely little conversation I have with myself every Sunday. I crave the attention and I’ll be damned if I don’t get it. Look at me, I want you to look at me. Don’t forsake me and don’t forget me. That’s what I ask and I’ll do what it takes to make it happen. I’m a go getter type of guy, ya know?

Sorry about that, I get a little crazy sometimes. I’m a man saturated in some sort of fantasy so excuse me if I don’t always act according to the rule of nature. It’s not easy making it in this world if you’re a middle child. It’s not easy making it in this world for a white dude. It’s not easy making it in this world if you’re a beatnik. It’s not easy making it in this world if you’re a romantic sap. It ain’t easy, being cheesy.

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