The Attic of My Mind

Go groan alone, my friend because no one will hear you and if they do, they’ll wish they couldn’t. No one cares about your middle class woes. So sad at seeing the smiling lovers smile all their woes away while you sit and groan to yourself, mumbling curses at God under your breath, hoping he won’t hear. But of course you don’t need to mumble at all, you could yell it as loud as your weak little lungs will allow because not even God wants to hear you whine. God doesn’t read your Facebook or blog because quite frankly, I’m sure he doesn’t care. He made this real physical world for us all to play in, but you just won’t play. You skip gym to sit in the grass and imagine that you see things in the clouds, feeling all big and small at the same time.

But you are a person, and people are small so you are small, in fact you may be the smallest that I have yet to see. You puny bodied little thing of a person making big claims about your little woes, what gives you the right to feel so self-righteous and huff and puff about how you’ve been wronged. Don’t you see it? Don’t you see what you’ve done and what you continue to do. You’re sick with infatuation of some silly stories that you’ve made up in your head when you were looking up at the clouds and somehow, someway, you started to think that God would let your fantasy into his neat little physical plaything planet. What a fool you are little person. Where does this come from?

I guess I don’t see it, or I refuse to see it. Either way, I need to make my retreat soon. I need to go back into the hills and meditate. I need to go into the woods and think about all I’ve done and what I’ve yet to do. A few more days and I’ll be off, back into the dusty halls of my mind to clean out some things and maybe dirty up something else.

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