And I Feel Fine

So it may seem strange to some, but I don’t know if I find that much comfort in the news. I’m fucking scared. Shitless. I have been so caught in my bubble of life and I forgot that there’s a whole world of people out there. And people are tricky little sentient beings. They anger easily and a lot of them are really fucking power hungry. People shouting USA in the streets makes me scared that people might just stop thinking. They might stop asking questions and become obedient little subjects.

I saw a bunch of posters on the train from Jersey predicting the end of the world on May 21st of this year. What if it did? Where would my thoughts be? If I found out I and everyone else was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it, what the fuck would my tiny little microscopic existence even amount to? I was talking earlier today about immortality, but what if everyone else dies? Death and thinking about it and whatever thoughts would come from that. I’m lost and I’m falling and I can’t even trust what will happen tomorrow.

But… me worrying about it doesn’t make it go away. Anything can happen, especially within the interactions that take place among human beings and me being all bummed and scared won’t stop the entire world I know from crumbling beneath me. I, and anyone else who dare to join me, should just pay attention to our world and act accordingly. I mean, zombie apocalypse? It could happen… we really don’t know and I assure you, I am no Ving Rhames, or Woody Harrelson for that matter. Regardless, I had recently been thinking about writing a story involving the end of the world. I don’t know if the one I had in mind will really work, but maybe with a little more work and research, I might be able to get something. There is really no good reason that I can’t write a fucking novel besides the fact that I am a lazy piece of shit.

Good, now backtrack for a moment. That last sentence says “lazy piece of shit”, but that is not what it originally said. I typed out “lonely piece of shit” and then erased it. Then I thought if I was on a typewriter, it would indefinitely say “Lonely piece of shit”. But isn’t that closer to the true thoughts of the writer? I believe that is the hiccup in my plans of being a writer. That, and my shitty computer keyboard and the fact that I never really learned how to type, so my style is sloppy and unforgiving. I know, but the passion remains the same and if I know one thing about myself, it’s that if I even think that I truly like something, I will not relent in my pursuit of it.

Someone called me a dick today. I’m sorry. I am, but I’m sure that doesn’t make you less mad. You did make some good points and I appreciate that. But I read too much Kerouac to say that I could even try to change who I am. I really don’t intend to hurt anyone or anything of the sort, but that doesn’t always stop it from happening. My mind is too far out of my own grasp for anyone else to really understand it at this point, myself included. Look, even now I got so easily off the topic of the end of the world and now I couldn’t tell you where the fuck I’m going with this.

Where am I going with this? I put the Smiths on. I feel like it could symbolize something, but I couldn’t tell you what or why. It’s a good song though. A delicate somber tune that pulls a bit at the heart strings, if you listen to it just right. But it doesn’t mean anything. That’s what I say, but I’ve been wrong. Everyone makes mistakes; just sometimes you can make mistakes that involve other people. You could make a mistake that involves the entire planet. Essentially, you could do that with the entire universe. You could also do something good or nice. Or for that matter, you could do nothing at all and just watch, maybe get a little drunk and laugh. I think more people will end up doing the latter when it comes to it, myself included.

But these are my thoughts on the end of the world, as it stands. Keep your eyes and ears open boys and girls and don’t forget to keep you hands and legs inside the vehicle at all times. You’re all going to die, so there’s no point in losing a limb before that happens. Get your money’s worth at least. I don’t know if any of this is really worth much, but I blame it on the times that I grew up in. Completely unique time for the species. We’ll see what us big people do in the face of the destruction of our world.

Anyone one who got the LOTR reference gets bonus points.


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