I’m writing this only on this blog because I want to be sure that no one reads this. If by some strange and unfortunate chance you actually find yourself reading this, then I apologize truly and sincerely. But trust me when I say, that this needs to happen.
My life has become what I’ve always dreamed and feared it would become… I am a living romantic comedy. Fact. I know, I know. But in all honesty, it’s what I, and in reality any other human being with emotions wants. Don’t believe me? Fine let me prove it. Do you want to be happy? Ok, now within that realm of happiness, is there any chance that a significant other may be involved? Ok if you said no, then you’re either a cowboy, or a fucking liar. You want to engage at some point in some sort of relationship with a member of the opposite sex (or same if that’s what you do… I’m no hater). You just don’t think about it in the romantic comedy sense because it’s your life. Well… it could be just a romance then… but I also want to be a comedian (I guess technically am) so I have to go with both. It’s just what’s natural.
But now where the fuck tits was I? Oh yeah, so I’m a cliché and to further that, here I am writing on my blog because I’m feeling a bit mushy over a girl. And by mushy, I mean almost unhealthily sort of obsessed with. I said almost. I’m 19, it’s still kinda cool. But as I was saying… yeah man, fucking shit. So dig, I was talking to her today and long story short… ummm… I lose? I don’t know. Who the fuck knows? She said she didn’t, but seems to be way cooler with that than I am. What the fuck? She has to be losing her cool a little bit, I mean I played it off well. Ok so I didn’t really, but fuck man. Do I stop?
Well this is just some pickle that I’ve made for myself. I wonder how I will ever get out of it. But fuck it man, I put myself here because I like it. Who am I kidding? I have some sort of sickness for doing this. So do I embrace it? Do I just accept how I am? She did kinda tell me to do that. And hell, no matter what I value what that girl says. She doesn’t have any bad intentions toward me, they just might not be the ones I want. Do I try for her heart again or do I just let go and feel the heartache rip at my soul and being? What should I do? I don’t know where I got it, but I have this belief that there is some sort of happiness in some crack pot scheme called love. I must have had a shelf at Hallmark fall on my head when I was a kid. I just can’t be able to shake the thought of this one person no matter what I do. And it’s not like time hasn’t taken it’s toll, but it just hasn’t gotten rid of it yet. I can’t tell if that’s just from stubbornness or if that maybe it’s stuck in my head for some sort of reason that I just cn’t seem to be able to really come up with any definitive sort of reason why.
What will he do? Where will he go? Will they be together, or will they be fated to be torn apart? Buy this script and you may be lucky enough to find out.
See what I mean? Sigh. I just don’t know man. It’s because it’s been rainy. It really bums me out. Or rather, it makes thinking about this shit so much more appropriate. I mean, I still think about it when the weather is perfect, but then I can just take a deep breath of fresh air, close my eyes, let the warm sun hit my face and just be so captivated by the very possibility of having anything to think about at all. Oh and there would probably be a joint involved… just saying. Hold on, I’m going to change the song just to see what happens. Give me a minute here.
Yeah… haha. I got my answer. I’m going to try. It may crumble and fail, but I’m still going to try. What I felt, when I felt it was real. I can’t just walk away from that. I can wait. I already have and to be honest, I’ve sort of grown fond of the idea of chasing a girl my entire life. I’d kinda like that to be her. I may never get there, but it’s nice to think about and having something tear at my heart has made me into who I am. When it comes down to it, I like who I am and I like to feel like this. Not depressed, bitter or numb, but to have something to just hope for. It’s a nice idea to me.