And so I suppose that this is what growing up is. Now I am starting to understand what they’ve all been talking about. It’s not some sudden and complete realization of something. No sir, it’s much slower and you can only really get the idea of it when you stop and glance over your shoulder and try and look to see if you can spot the place that you started at. Go ahead, try and tell me what you see. No of course you don’t have to, but if you’re not doing anything and I’m not doing anything, we might as well chit-chat for a bit. Shoot the shit, so to speak.
Well, I should really get back to this original point. I’ve looked at pictures of myself throughout my life. No matter how old I was when the picture was taken, I can look at it and wonder. I wonder what happened to that sweet boy who was so full of life and hope. I wonder how he’s changed and who he is. I feel like I hardly even know him. But he’d say the same thing if he could see me and if I could see what I may be like in ten years. So am I stranger to myself besides the exact moment in which I experience myself and my consciousness at the present?
No, I’m not. I know that kid in those pictures because I know what he’s thinking. He’s watching his life all around him and can’t help but be amazed by the beautifully complex world he sees and how simple it actually is. He wonders about what he’s going to be like, and I wish I could tell him. I wish I could tell him all the moments that will lead up to this. But maybe not. No, I don’t want to tell him, because I’ll sell it all too short. I want him to see it for himself and tell me what he thinks. I want to know if he’d be happy and proud. I want to know if my life has filled his dreams as he wanted them to.
I wonder if he even thought anything like this would ever even happen, just so I can tell him “Yes, I did and it will be great. Trust me, you’ll be sad and angry and all those things no one likes to be. But I can tell you this, someday you will be happy. I don’t know when because I don’t know if I ever have been truly happy. I’ve had tastes and believe me, I’d go through a thousand years of shit for another taste at that light, man. It’s beyond this world… happiness, that is”.
Then he can tell me something even wiser, and probably much funnier.
P.S. Notice the eyebrow… Skill beyond words